I EAT MERELY TO PUT FOOD OUT OF MY MIND

I don't eat while I cook. Not at all. Nothing.

Funny. Quirky. But no big deal, right?

I would say so, too. Except that I know what that means on a different level. I don't eat means that I don't taste. I shamelessly serve food that might be horrible.

In fact, I have served horrible food. Soups and beans that are too salty (I suspect that forgot that I had already salted them). I once made a fruit salad with a yogurt "dressing" with what must have been The Great Lost Yogurt From the Back of the Fridge. It tasted like Pine Sol. Gag!

Then there is a nectarine crisp in my culinary history that will long be remembered. I made it while (very) pregnant with my first (eleven pound) child. I think I was so swollen and sweaty and pathetic that the group of gentlemen eating this crisp were struck dumb. And possibly they were concerned that if they told me there was NO SUGAR in the crisp that I had made with my own two puffy pregnant hands, I might just impale them on the tomato stakes in the back yard and bury their lifeless ungrateful bodies in the vegetable patch. Or something like that. So they silently choked it down. And they didn't make eye contact. And still, I didn't learn.

It is unreasonable, I know. To be touching and smelling and mixing and preparing foods; to be thinking about flavor combinations and complimentary flavors and sweet/salty and creamy/crunchy balance and food groups and nutrition; to be mentally enveloped in the experience of making foods - why the fuck wouldn't I want to taste any of it? Wouldn't you think I'd get hungry? I would! But I don't.

I think I can trace it back to my sophomore year microbiology class. I did a report on salmonella. As I'm sure you already know, salmonella is a genus of rod-shaped Gram-negative enterobacteria that causes typhoid fever, paratyphoid fever, and foodborne illness. Lots and lots of foodborne illness.

While these infections would normally only require a treatment of antibiotics, if not resolved naturally, the long-term usage of antibiotics in both the poultry and beef industries may have created a strain of salmonella which is potentially resistant to antibiotics (Thank you wikipedia).

I think of this every time I prepare food. And it is surprisingly not appetizing. Hence, the not eating. At least I think that's what it is. Whatever.

Most of the time my food is untasted. These dishes, of which I could only guess the flavor*, have never killed anyone. Least of all the cook. Thank you obsessive hand washing and 75 kitchen towels.

But I really, really love sushi.

Is that so wrong?


On another note:

I am religious in my belief that seasons and the weather dictate the food that should be served. Tonight, a chilly but sunny, "Hey! It's fall. Really, fall feels exactly like this!" kind of night, we are having... dun, dun, duhhhhh......

Baked Potatoes. With butter and sour cream and lots of salt and pepper. MMmmmm...



* It would be an educated guess, but a guess none the less.