FREE SUMMER FUN IN MY HOOD

When I was home with the kiddos and we were living on one income I would post lists on the fridge of free things to do. Walk the mall and get a See's candy sample, Deer Hollow Farm, Rancho San Antonio, Happy Hollow Free Days, Museum free days, puddle jumping after a rainstorm, etc... This was in an effort to not feel so trapped on the top of the mountain with the little people who needed me for EVERYTHING.

Now days I don't have the list on the fridge, but am still inclined to seek out free entertainment. Makes me feel innovative and financially responsible and smart.

In my neighborhood there are dozens of parks, hundreds of miles of hiking and biking trails, beaches a stone's throw away and stacks of books to read, but some times I want to get out and feel a little "culture" without breaking the bank.

Below is a short list of free fun for the Silicon Valley set (some for kids, some not!):

Outdoor movies Wednesday Nights
Movies start at dusk and you will need to get there early!
San Pedro Square
July 8 – Caddy Shack (1980/ Rated R / 107 min)
August 12 – Monty Python and The Holy Grail (1975/ Rated PG/ 91 min)

Historic District on Post Street between Market and First streets.
July 15 – Casablanca (1942/ NR/ 102 minutes)
August 19 – A Streetcar Named Desire (1951/ NR /122 minutes)

SoFA District at South First and William streets
June 24 – Mad Hot Ballroom (2005/ Rated PG/ 105 minutes)
July 22 – Romeo + Juliet (1996/ Rated PG/ 120 minutes)
August 26 – Shaun of the Dead (2004/ Rated R/ 99 minutes)

Symphony Silicon Valley music festival on the mall at the 4th and San Carlos at San Jose State University
August 25 (5:00 PM) Cleo Lane and ensemble sings jazz standards
August 27 (5:00 PM) To Be Announced
August 29 (7:00 PM) Classical Mystery Tour with Symphony Silicon Valley presenting The Beatles
August 30 (3:00 PM) Brass Band Concert in the Park with Tony Clements and Symphony Silicon Valley

San Jose Downtown Music in the Park 2009
June 18: Third Eye Blind
June 25: Pete Escovedo
July 2: The Tubes
July 9: Eek-A-Mouse
July 16 Pato Banton
July 23: Matt Nathanson
July 30: Colin Hay of Men at Work
August 6: Anthony David
August 13: Better Than Ezra
August 20: Sonny Landreth
August 27: White Album Ensemble

Stern Grove isn't exactly in my hood, but is very cool, 100% free and is kid oriented culture in San Francisco.
June 21: ROBERTA FLACK / Davell Crawford
June 28: LES NUBIANS / Rupa and the April Fishes
July 5: SAN FRANCISCO SYMPHONY / Inouye Jazz
July 12: JOAN BAEZ / Blame Sally
July 19: SERGENT GARCIA / Curumin
July 26: THE LYRICS BORN RE-VIEW, THE MIGHTY UNDERDOGS, AND MORE
August 2: KAILASH KHER’S KAILASA / Delhi 2 Dublin
August 9: TOTÓ LA MOMPOSINA / Nation Beat
August 16: SAN FRANCISCO BALLET / Helgi Tomasson, Artistic Director
August 23: SAN FRANCISCO OPER

AMC Theater's free children's summer movie series has some funny rules about picking up the tickets beforehand, but is worth the effort for staying cool and having fun.
June 24 Kung Fu Panda
July 1 Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
July 8 Tale of Despereaux
July 15 Horton Hears a Who
July 22 The Spiderwick Chronicles
July 29 Nim's Island
August 5 Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Have fun! Don't let the dreary economy stop you!

SKIPPING STONES

What happy looks like in my neck of the woods.

SOCKS, DOGS & ROCKY ROAD

So, the girl child and I are going to a special seminar this week. And tonight the husband and I went to a facilitated group discussion at her middle school to learn about talking to your child about sex and drugs. We didn't get to the drugs.

The doctor leading the group (PHD, not MD) works with pregnant teens. She talked about how a success in her workday is getting a mom to choose to put water in a baby bottle before soda, spending a couple of nights a week at home, rather than going out every single night. And how she engages the pregnant and new mom teens and elevates their esteem by having them travel around to schools and speak about their circumstances to share what they could have done differently.

She also shared that, as good as it is for the school teens to hear these girls stories, it is so much more important for these young moms themselves, as it can help to keep them from having second and third children while still in their teens.

Tonight I learned some staggering facts:

Over 80 percent of teen mothers drop out of school, never to return again.

Over 80 percent of teen fathers are out of the picture. Of the remaining 20 percent, most do not see their children even once a week.

Teen pregnancy costs the US 8 billion dollars a year.

There were so many more things. Like parents who address their fears by putting their daughters on the pill to "regulate their periods." Like parents who NEVER talk with their kids about sex. And parents who struggle, awkwardly, through the embarrassing and uncomfortable conversations because they love their kids so much. Like me.

So I'm gonna drag her to the "Heart to Heart" seminar. And we're gonna feel awkward and uncomfortable. And my baby is gonna grow up before I know it. And she will or will not have sex as a teen. And she will or will not end up in therapy blaming me for everything that ever happened to her.

But she will not get to say, "No one ever talked about sex in my house."

THE SUN

Have you ever seen
anything
in your life
more wonderful

than the way the sun,
every evening,
relaxed and easy,
floats toward the horizon

and into the clouds or the hills,
or the rumpled sea,
and is gone--
and how it slides again

out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower

streaming upward on its heavenly oils,
say, on a morning in early summer,
at its perfect imperial distance--
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love--
do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough
for the pleasure

that fills you,
as the sun
reaches out,
as it warms you

as you stand there,
empty-handed--
or have you too
turned from this world--

or have you too
gone crazy
for power,
for things?


by Mary Oliver

WHY, OPRAH, WHY?

Levi: Why would Oprah give you hell?

Me: Um, I don't know how to answer that.

Levi: That song. It was just playing.

Me: Oh, no. That song says "Hope it Gives You Hell."

Levi: OK. I thought the words were different... And I was wondering why Oprah would do that.

NOBODY KNOWS NOTHIN AT THE BEGINNING

Timeline of me:

at 24 - met Ruben

at 25 - moved in together, got a dog and got pregnant (not in that order)

at 26 - my heart broke and my daughter was born

at 27 - married that man of mine

at 28 - moved my little family to the mountains

at 29 - got pregnant again (took a while this time)

at 30 - had the boy and started my "stay at home" career

at 31 - regretted all of my previous judgments about stay at home mothers

at 32 - my little girl went to kindergarten

at 33 - Levi started pre-school and I got a part time job at a beautiful but horrible bakery

At 34 - went back to work full time

At 35 - we moved to a different home in the mountains and Levi started kindergarten

At 36 - new school for the kiddos and I surprised my family on Christmas morning with a trip to Disneyland - our first

At 37 - 2 new jobs in one year - this year, she is a hard one


Not what I would have supposed. Almost nothing that I would change.

WHY I'M HERE

Stick with it to the end. You will not be sorry.

STATS AND MYTHS AND FACTS

I am so often surprised by the misinformation of brilliant people in my life. So, in that vain, here is some info regarding sexual assault (much of which comes from the YWCA Rape Crisis Center of Silicon Valley).

If you are a woman, have ever loved a woman, are the friend of any current or future women, please educate yourself. You will never be sorry that you knew where to turn when faced with an incident of sexual violence.

DEFINITION: Sexual Assault is ANY unwanted sexual act a person is forced to perform or receive. This includes, but is not limited to, rape.

MYTH: Most sexual assaults are committed by strangers.
In reality, the majority of the time the offender is someone that the victim knows. Victims are usually coerced, manipulated, tricked or threatened by someone they are acquainted with. One study found that 84% of women who were raped knew their attacker and for 57% of those women, the offender was a first date or romantic acquaintance.

FACT: Alcohol or drugs increase a person’s vulnerability to sexual assault.
Alcohol and drugs can increase anyone’s vulnerability. In one study, 75% of males and 55% of females were under the influence of drugs or alcohol when the rape occurred.

MYTH: GHB and roofies are the most common date rape drugs.
In fact, alcohol is the number one date rape drug. It is readily available, socially acceptable and plays a significant part in 50-72% of all college campus sexual assaults.

FACT: The most common place for rape to occur is in the victim’s home.
The second most common place is the offender’s home, because the offender is usually someone the victim knows. Many people think that sexual assaults happen in dark, abandoned places, but the greatest risk lies where we feel the safest.

FACT: Most of the time, rape is planned.
Rape is not an impulsive act. If it is a single offender, the rape is planned 60% of the time; gang attacks are planned 90% of the time.

MYTH: Rapists are deranged, psychopathic, under-educated men from poor backgrounds.
Rapists are found in all socioeconomic classes. Offenders can be anyone: doctors, lawyers, the homeless, blue-collar workers, classmates, co-workers, etc.


Survivor Rights
As a survivor of a sexual assault, you have rights. From the right to be treated with respect, to the right to choose to do nothing with your case.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center
A complete list of state and territory anti-sexual violence coalitions and their contact information

Recent Sexual Assault Statistics (US focused)
For stats on cost/impactof sexual violence, perpetrators, gender, and criminal justice system.

World Report on Violence and Health
This report is the first comprehensive review of violence on a global scale. Chapter 6 provides detailed information on sexual violence.

MY SON, THE CONSERVATIONIST

Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it. ~Mark Twain




Morning pal.

Hi mom.

Clean chonies?

Ummmm... uh... well, yeah.

Wow. I'm gonna let you know that I am unconvinced by your response.

Sheepish shrug.

Wanna try again?

OK.

Hi pal. Clean chonies?

Nope.

OK. Get on that, will ya?

Yeah...

BETTER THAN A STICK IN THE EYE

1. Hope. For my family, my neighbors, my country.

2. Leftover chocolate birthday cake.

3. Cello and violin music that brings me to tears.

4. My new bright green trench.

5. Inauguration speech on the web because I had to work all day today.


So many wonderful things. Let me not forget them so quickly next time.

ENDING THE YEAR BY PICKING A FIGHT - KINDA

Rachel. Rach. I can call you "Rach," right? You don't mind?

Read your blog posts. And many of them are lovely. Except, some of them are a little - how do I put this? Your posts can be kind of... a bummer.

For starters, the "Bill" to whom I'm certain you are referring in this post is also known as Mr. President. He is a man who has achieved quite a lot in his lifetime. From his education to his professional career, to his job as the leader of the free world and the president of your country, it is safe to say that his life is worth more than one shameful and humiliating experience broadcast for the world to see. Some might say he deserves some respect despite his shortcomings.

You yourself have a colorful past, documented on television, no less (and on a channel that I feel confident you don't allow your children to watch). And yet when you became a wife and mother you became something more. Someone who has had many experiences throughout your life and now is grounded in your beliefs and your desire to help your children to become good and whole people.

This is my point: our world is complicated. Parenthood today is not for the meek. What I hope for most in my own family is not that my kids be served up sanitized versions of the world, but that they are helped to know that that they have a unique place in it. That each one of us is an important addition and deserves to be honored.

My children are not here to make me look good, they are not here to fulfill the lost dreams of my youth. They are here to live this life. To experience every emotion and feeling, to walk through easy days and hard ones, and to learn the lessons that are there for them. It is their birthright.

The fact that their very existence has made my life better than I ever thought to hope is my experience. I hope that it informs their understanding that they are valuable beyond measure, but it does not define them. When it comes down to it their life is their own and the choices that they make for themselves will be theirs to live with. Good, bad or otherwise. Figuring out how to do the hard times and the easier ones with a little bit of grace and dignity would be lovely. But I strive for these things every day and I am nowhere near perfecting that technique.

There is no "if" in the equation; my children will have questions on provocative topics, they will attempt to adopt ugly behaviors, they will fail miserably one day and accomplish amazing feats the next.

My job: be as honest as I can in the moment, and get out of their way and to help them to traverse this wild terrain (all be it in a sleepy little community on the top of a tiny mountain). To sing praises and offer counsel. My job is not to ask the world to stop being so "un-pretty" because my kiddos can't handle it. Or I can't. One or the other.

To be in this world with love and respect and humanness, and sometimes with anger and fears. All of these things I wish for my children.

And to be clear, I wish these things for your children as well.

Regards,
Erica

HUGS AND TEARS

NEW JOB

Got one.

Will not be laid off. Will not be on unemployment in the holiday season of the worst economy this country has seen in decades.

Will not work for micromanaging misogynist douche bags anymore.

And so all of my prayers have been answered and all of my Christmas wishes fulfilled.

Many thanks to those who sent well wishes, and to those who thought them. I am grateful for all of your kindness and support.

Thanks to my folks and my ladies who said things like, "You're so smart! You're beautiful! They would be lucky to have you!" which made me want to punch you in the face but was, still, so sweet.

Extra, turbo thanks to Lisa, without whose council I would have been profoundly less confident walking into that interview.

And to my husband. You know what you did. (nudge. wink. fingerguns.)

Blessings to you all. I am forever thankful.

XOXO.

DO NOT MISTAKE PIQUED INTEREST FOR ACTUAL NEED

Things in the "FREE" category of craigslist in my area:


Pack of Silver Metallic Darkroom Paper 8x10 - Interesting!

Coffee and Hot Chocolate - 5 packets. A little odd.

huge piece of water proof material - Huge, huh? Wow.

Folsing tables - Huh?

Crap metale - Ah, yes. Free crap metale. I've been waiting for this day. Who hasn't?


We are ridding ourselves of an old truck in this very forum, so I thought I'd see what we are up against.

Apparently, we are up against freaks. As usual.

ERASE MY NAME, OR WRITE IT, AS YOU PLEASE

My beloved friend Steve posted this on his site and before I stopped crying I knew I would post it here, too:




So I be written in the Book of Love,
I have no care about that book above;
Erase my name, or write it, as you please--
So I be written in the Book of Love.

From Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám

SUPRISE!

For the past few weeks my behavior has been a crap shoot. Inappropriate outbursts. Joyful celebrations. I've been an emotional pendulum.

I have recently found myself fuming at a lovely group of friends. For asking questions. And not being mind readers.

Weird, huh?

Turns out maybe it isn't my friends. Turns out, I have some repressed anger issues.

I'm very angry. Furious, actually. And not about anything that has to do with my friends. About how a moment can change your loved ones lives forever. About how my broken heart is never really healed, even after eleven years, one marriage, two kids, various jobs, cars, vacations, "Simple Abundance," therapy, bi-annual retreats, weekly womens' groups, time and space.

Nothing will ever heal it.

And for that fact I am enraged.

And I found out this week that the big company I work for has replaced my group with a "lower cost solution."

And I found out about this in an email from the new group soliciting me to apply for my own job.

LOVELY.

So that not smoking thing - it is off the table for the moment. I'll keep you posted. For now, I have to find a new job. Or bump off the entire replacement team.

I'm seriously torn.

Give me a light, will ya?

STUPID FUCKING HATE - FTW

In the car on the way to school this morning we listened to election results. When the news about Prop 8 (AKA "Ignorant Haters for Nixing Love if it isn't Exactly How They Deem it Acceptable") was announced I was audibly devastated.

Me: Oh my god, NO!

Maddy: What's wrong?

Me: Prop 8 passed. And I'm just really super sad about it.

Levi: What is Prom 8?

Me: Prop 8 is a proposed constitutional amendment for California stating that gay and lesbian couples won't be able to get married if they want to.

Maddy: Why not? Why would anyone care?

Me: I don't know why not. I can't imagine what two people loving each other and wanting to get married has to do with anyone else. I would be so sad if my state or country told your Daddy and I that we couldn't get married because other people thought we were too different.

Levi: Well, they would never do that, would they?

Me: Well, a long time ago it wasn't OK for people to marry if their skin colors didn't match, which would have meant I was only allowed to marry albinos. And there really aren't very many of them, and none of them would have been your father. Which would have sucked.

Kiddos: ???

Me: I know we need laws to protect people and animals but it's not like our gay friends want to get married and kill puppies. They just want to get married. If they feel like it. When the time is right.

Levi: Yeah, killing puppies isn't OK. But getting married is.

Maddy: I'd vote "no" for killing puppies but "yes" for love and marriage.

Me: Me too, pal. Me too.

ONE VOICE. ONE VOTE.

I take my silly little privileged life for granted every day. I bemoan the most trivial and ridiculous of issues while indulging my laziness and apathy. Just yesterday I was standing in my big, beautiful kitchen, bitching about how quickly my organic half and half soured (for my expensive french pressed coffee) and how those jerks at Trader Joe's will get an ear full next time I'm in there. Which will be tomorrow. Because I go there three times a week. Because I enjoy freshness.

I am an American through and through.

And while this may be true, I am also a loudmouthed, obnoxious, entitled, freedom vigilante. I will defend and protect my daughter's right to be in charge of her body. And my friends' rights to love who they want and marry if they so choose. And will proudly vote for a man who is allowing me a new sense of pride for this country that I take for granted and have been disillusioned by for far too long.

This is my birthright.

Happy day.

WORDLE

Here is Crummy Cupcake on Wordle:

A GOOD HARD LOOK

I went on my retreat this weekend. I usually go every April and October, but I missed this most recent April because I'd just started my new job. So it had been a year.

A year is, apparently, too long for me.

I haven't needed a retreat so badly in many years, and I've been going regularly for eleven.

I will not share specifics of this weekend away. As with every precious and special thing in the world the details are for the attendees. I will share, however, the theme: Self acceptance.

What if I accepted myself, totally and completely?

How would I be different in my life? How would my relationships change? How would I face life's challenges? How would I face successes?

So, I am sitting with all of these questions. I am considering myself in a way I have not previously.

And I have quit smoking.

Because no matter what, I cannot reconcile the future I hand myself by continuing to indulge in that behavior. Plus I fucking stink.

Pray for me.