YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY...

I live in the mountains. I live in a lovely home. It is located on a mountain road. The mountains, themselves, are wonderful. My home is beautiful and warm. I couldn't be happier. But then there is the road.

Our road is lumpy and bumpy with lots of tight turns. It is 1 to 2 lanes wide, depending on where you are. No smooth, gentle curves for a fun Sunday drive. There are sections where cars can not pass one another. If the 2 cars approach these areas, someone is going to have to pull over. Standard operating procedure. These conditions are made so much more fun by all of the bike riders in the warm weather. It's like a carnival fun house - around every turn there could be horrible death and dismemberment! Super cool! More on the cool bikers another time.

It's not that bad, really. But there is a special code that you have to follow. I try my level best to be safe. I drive a speed just above "granny wearing a shawl" and below "paranoid car accident victim." I have my lights on during the day so other cars can see me, especially because of the shadowy dark stretches of road. The people driving in full sun light cannot see cars coming in the shadows. But they can see lights coming toward them. See how that works? Safe. Considerate. Neighborly.

So, a couple of days ago I'm driving my kids to a pool party. We're crawling along, playing music and having fun and I'm driving (slowly, mind you) toward a narrow stretch that is in shadows. I'm in the sunlight, see. With my lights on. Plus there is sunlight on my car so people can see it. You know what I can't see? The huge black Range Rover with no lights on, driven by the cell phone chatting mother of two. So she stops. And so do I. And she waves me past. But I can't pass, cause she's too far over. There is no room. So I signal to her that she will have to back up and let me pass. She is clearly pissed, cause she's gonna have to set down the cellphone, plus she can't see over her own shoulder as this fucking car is way to big for her and she doesn't know how to drive it. I mean, I'm inferring, but I think that's what her stink-eye is saying.

She finally backs up and over enough for me to pass. I roll down my window, good samaritan that I am.

"It's helpful if you turn on your lights. That way people can see you coming."

"I know how to drive these roads! I live up here in the mountains! And besides, some people just drive too fast!"

Uh, OK.

So I say, "If you'll just turn on your lights. People can see you coming when you are in the shadows. It's helpful. So we can see you."

"NO. I DON'T HAVE TO. I DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT."

Really? Seriously?

I hope, deep down in my heart of hearts, that her kids talk to her just like that.