6/21/2007

FEWSH - THANK GOD THAT'S OVER!

My first post is done. I can move on to bigger and better things.

Let's start with my day. Today is a Thursday. Thursdays are a great day for me because I have my "me time" on Thursdays. It is on the family and work calendars every single week and it is non-negotiable. And by non-negotiable I mean I will not be available for anything I don't want to be doing after 4:00. I will not be picking up kids. I will not be preparing any meals, doing any chores, running any errands, taking any unwanted phone calls, nothing. I might get a pedicure. I might go to a movie, either alone or with a friend. I might go to the mall and overspend. Whatever I want to do, I do!

Given all that freedom, what I usually do is go to sushi with a couple of girlfriends, and then go to my women's group. For nearly 10 years I have chosen to spend the hours from 7:00 to 9:00 almost every Thursday night in a candle-lit family room on in Willow Glen, San Jose. In this lovely home on a tree-lined street (read: regular American dream) I have wept and laughed and yelled every cuss word known to man and I have learned what it means to be a wife, mother, friend, and woman in my skin.

I am blessed beyond words to have these women in my life. The women have changed over the years. Women come and women go. Some stay a few weeks. Some camp out for years. The new ones change the dynamic for all of us. They mix it up and change our perspectives. Sometimes they learn something from me. More often I learn from them.

There have been times when attendance has felt like a chore. When I could not imagine listening to another woman drone on and on about her problems. I have found, however, that paying focused attention to someone other than myself for an hour or so a week makes me more sane.

'Cause here is the deal, I bring my whole self there. My whole self. My happy to be so blessed one day and jealous beyond words and pitching a fit 'cause I didn't get what I wanted the next. My light is welcome there. And so is my darkness. I am very familiar with the dark side of me. I like my dark side. It makes my lightness more real. Less fake. And I only know that this is true because I have watched these other brave women do the same. To sit in a room and say out loud the things they don't even want to think. To share the load of illness, divorce, death, and despair. To share the sadness that comes when you begin to feel joy after these terrible things have passed. And lives have moved forward. And the world didn't stop. And we have changed.

It is Thursday. I can do whatever I want. Today I want to spend it with these women. We'll see what happens next week.

2 comments:

elskermeg said...

Erica,

What a wonderful start! I absolutely love your writing!

Nicole (Pinch My Salt)

Erica Zamora said...

My humble thanks, Nicole.