NO WORDS

I've been pretty quiet for a couple of weeks. And here is why. I'm dieting.

Not crash dieting where I drop a ton of weight and start "fake and bake" tanning and wearing slutty clothes and forget who I am and start having an affair with the single dad who hangs around the park with his hyperactive kid. Not that kind.

I joined Weight Watchers. I'm changing the way I eat. I'm getting healthier and at 3 weeks in I feel pretty darn good. Physically. But I'm feeling a little off as well. Vulnerable and wonky and unsure. Like I'm a kid going to a new school. And I don't feel confident and self-assured. More awkward and clumsy and nervous.

For me that means that I don't have a lot of words. I've been watching TV rather than reading. I've been staying up late and going to bed exhausted rather than early and drifting off at a respectable time. Except for the night I went to bed at 8:00. Maybe I'm a little psycho. Who knows.

Anyway - that's where I've been. I'll keep you posted at to my mental well being, however I suspect this will be my only mention of weight loss. It is so deeply personal that I don't quite know how to express it with myself, much less publicly.

But if you want to hear about my vagina or my last therapy session, stick around. I'm all about sharing the easy stuff.

LET ME CONSULT THE PILLOW

Levi is the only living creature in our house who slept last night. The rest of us did not. Here is how it went:

Levi went to bed. He fell asleep in 5 minutes

Madigan got in to her bed.

Madigan came to our bed.

Madigan went to Levi's top bunk.

Madigan moved to the sofa.

Madigan came to our room and lay with her blanket on the floor.

The dogs woke up and rustled around. A lot.

The dogs barked.

Madigan got up from the floor and came in to our bed.

One dog started sneezing. A LOT. For a long time.

Ruben took the sneezing dog downstairs and slept on the sofa.

Madigan got up to check on Ruben and the dog.

Madigan came back to our bed.

I barked at Madigan that she had to GO TO SLEEP for the love of Pete!

At this point it was 4:30

I feel as bad as I did when I was nursing a teething child who was going through a growth spurt. Except for the cracked nipple thing. The entire right side of my head is throbbing, I yawned ten or more times in my staff meeting. I am day dreaming about taking a sick day to sleep. And you know what sucks the most? This is TOTALLY MY FAULT. And here's why:

I let Madigan watch The Sixth Sense. Go ahead and judge me. I'll wait.

It seemed so innocent at the time. I was watching the movie a couple of days ago and Madigan came in to my room. I let her know that this movie was about a little boy who can see and talk with ghosts and even though the ghosts scare him he wants to help them. Kind of sweet and a little scary. So she made the choice to hang around. I talked her through Mischa Barton barfing in Haley Joel Osment's red tent in the middle of his bedroom. I explained that the doctor was a dead guy but he didn't know it and how Haley helped him to feel better. See, sweet and only a little scary, right? Well, I'm 36. She is 9. Lesson learned. WAY too late.

Also, our friends from Missouri came to visit and we said goodbye to them last night. She was very sad and will miss them. Also, she is changing schools this fall. She is anxious and nervous and worried and now I have firmly planted ghosts on to her list of things to worry about. Super!

There are no plans for solution in this post, folks. No ideas about how we will resolve this and be well rested and happy very soon. No promises that I will never show her a scary movie again (although I'm pretty sure this cured me of that need).

I'm just tired. And I want to go home.